arlblog

I’m taking a free online class at jessicasprague.com called “stories in hand”. today’s assignment is to flip through the “self” section and find a journaling prompt to get you started. her example was 

What is your favorite poem?

for which I had an instant answer: Jabberwocky by Lewis Carroll.

side stories which I could write about: my fascination with the life of carroll, memorizing the poem, favorite dover book munched by mice, annotated versions of the story with educated guesses about the meanings of the words, naming various pets after words in the poem.

what is your favorite poem?

feeling poor, tired, overweight,  uninspired, disappointed, bland, worn-out, minimal, taken for granted, ignorant, overworked, misunderstood, weepy, faded.

I feel less than opaque, sort of half-there, like tracing paper or etched glass. wispy, like a ghost.

I am, you know, describing depression. depression affects me like a virus. I can feel it starting, and I know that I’m about to go on a long ride of aches, fatigue and discomfort. I expect to think I’m feeling better, push it too far, only to crash again. 

the only person I like to be with when I hate my life is myself. ironic.

I do have a lot to be grateful for, but I’m not going to dump a bunch of gushy pollyanna goody goody-isms into this blog post. there is a time and place to just whine and complain without the compulsion of balancing a problem with a solution. sometimes the problem can just be there, without its yang.

maybe my next post will be about a half full glass.

I am freestyle in my fashion, I am freestyle when I design, I am freestyle when I cook, and I’m freestyle when I mix drinks. I see recipes more as guidelines or starting points.

so here’s the drink I made tonight, not sure if it’s a real drink, or if I made it up. but it sure was good with pizza.

1/2 can of hansen’s diet grapefruit
equal parts (maybe a shot glass) of the following:  
sweet & sour
lemon juice
vodka

it’s DELISHUSS.

APAD stands for A Picture A Day. it’s one of my random self-challenges. Heather, and, I think, Emily, are joining me.

thought I’d post a couple of my pics just to show you I’ve really been doing it.

my friend’s daughter’s hands. note the pink fingernail polish:

the view from westminster rec center parking lot:

a drink that I had at em’s house:

East Lansing, Michigan. 1964-1968.

White, two-story, with a large side yard. Open the front door, stairs straight ahead up to the bedrooms; living room to the right, dining room behind, kitchen through dining room.

I had a canopy bed eventually. I don’t remember my crib. My room was bright and sunny. I could see the playground of the nearby elementary school from my windows.

My parents loved the location of the house because I was just across the street from the school their child would soon attend.

They didn’t know they’d be divorced before I was old enough to attend Kindergarten.

I loved to throw stuff down the laundry chute, then run down two flights of stairs into the basement to collect my treasure. I don’t remember what I threw down but I imagine teddy bears experienced the long drop.

My parents’ room was next to mine. I only remember it dark with people sleeping in the bed. When I wanted someone in the middle of the night, I would try to work out which name to call so that only my dad would come in. I think I must have called for him one time, and my mom came in. So next time, I laid there trying to reason out whether to call for him or her in order to get him. I think I must have finally just gotten out of bed and woke him up. Assertive little girl I was.

There was a guest room at the end of the hallway. I remember my Granny staying in there. I never saw her silvery grey hair down from a tight bun, except one time when she was brushing it out to a braid at bedtime. It was so long. I thought it was miraculous and beautiful.

She took out her paints and let me paint in her room. I still have my painting. No idea what it is, except with my grown-up eyes, I think I see blades of grass near a lake.

p.s. I found my missing contour drawing blog post. I saved it as a page, not a post. I’ll resurrect it as a blog post later this week.

10 things about me:

1. I rejoined weight watchers this week. goal: lose 2 clothing sizes by march.

2. I ate at chipotle with friends today.

3. I looked up the nutritional info on my burrito first. 

4. crocs are my default shoes lately.

5. I paid my credit card bill late, now I don’t get the promo.

6. I keep feeling like I’ve forgotten something.

7. I might not send xmas cards this year.

8. the teacher volunteered me to do the “winter program basket” with a sports theme. that’s ironic.

9. I still don’t understand CSS.

10. I always wanted Lite Brite when I was a kid and never got it.

click

right now I am tired.

I am trying to meditate in place.
there’s a thing happening tonight where I could get very emotional. angry. frustrated. sad. but I’ve chosen to be in this position. I could walk away whenever I want.

I am a good person. I am thoughtful. I am honest.
I am smart. I am creative. I am loyal.

and I’m tired. 

in 20 minutes I’m picking up my kid from school. we’ll come home around 4:30. then I’ll get him started on his homework. I’ll cook his dinner and leave for my function at 5:30. 

I use the lord’s prayer [I mean serenity prayer] when I’m feeling powerless:

God,
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.

100_1933, originally uploaded by arleighb.

my friend’s little girl wears the coolest clothes. I joke around with her, asking her to give me her pants when she outgrows them. she says noooooo hee hee

but I really mean it!

I want to dress like this all the time.

my son wrote out 3 ballots for the “Who Gets to Draw a Lot of Things and Who Gets The Most Money” election. 

all three of us voted.

dylan got 2 votes. but he doesn’t believe it and keeps recounting.

from my friend, joe the blumper.